Life is really hard these days. pursuing this career is HARD. Since i last posted I have really gone through a lot. I broke my hand and had to have two surgeries on it. I got into a car accident that totaled my car and the car I bought afterwards broke also. I had to move back home to Michigan to heal up and save money for a new car. Since then I have really been struggling with wondering what is happening with my life. I've been feeling defeated, utterly defeated. I know It's just a phase and "This too shall pass." It's been really hard to see people around me succeeding and booking things left and right and i haven't been on set in 5+ years. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. I'm irritated and annoyed, I'm sick of feeling like I don't even know if this industry is even for me. If I don't have acting, I don't have anything. It's really hard to explain but when you honestly have something permanently built into your soul and you feel like you're failing at grasping it, it takes apart of you with it. I will NOT give up and i know this is just a phase. Jenna Fischer says all successful actors must suffer in order to succeed. I can honestly say that I am suffering. After being homeless, flying to places, sleeping on the floor at airports for auditions, sleeping in my car, losing relationships, ruining my credit, going broke, moving 13 different times to sleep on couches and air mattresses, moving away from friends and family, going through job after job, getting fired for auditions, making no money to making more money than I could ever make working for Marvel and feeling completely hopeless because I wasn't acting. Still, I'm happy I got to pay off my credit card and my car I wrecked. I was gripping. I was window shopping. Looking in from the outside, watching other actors live MY dream. Life is not fair and I know It's not meant to be fair. I just have to rise above this. Sine I broke my hand, I lost 30 pounds and I'm going through a minnie depression, having to move back home and start over with life. It's good to see friends and family but it really such feeling like I'm at a complete stand-still. I will not give up though. I've had a lot of people tell me "Well at least you can say you gave it your all." Did I? I still have breath. I am still alive. I'm still HERE! I will be able to say I gave it my all when I'm looking Jesus in the eyes and my life is long gone. I will fight for this career until the day I die.
I hate how hard things have to be just to chase a dream. I hate the struggle even though I know It's molding and humbling me. I am humbled. I am humbled.
I hate how hard things have to be just to chase a dream. I hate the struggle even though I know It's molding and humbling me. I am humbled. I am humbled.
